Beyond
by carlycarter
Summary: Mostly just a story about Bo and Kenzi.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I admit it took a long time for me to warm to this show and these characters. I really didn't like Bo when I started this story, but somehow by the end I couldn't help but love her. I have twisted the characters and stories to suit my plot, and apologise in advance for messing with the characters as they were on the show. I hope you will enjoy anyway.

Thanks for reading :)

Chapter 1  
Kenzi

 _They will NOT take you alive_

Realistically, you may not get out of this one alive. You can accept that. What you can not accept is that you're last act on earth will be giving those two idiotic lunatics the satisfaction of re-capturing you. It was pure luck you managed to get away. Luck, and the fact that your captors were incredibly stupid and naive. He had unchained you, simply because you promised him you wouldn't run away. What a moron! Still, not even he is dumb enough to make the same mistake twice. If they catch you this time, you won't get another chance. This is it, Kenzi. What are you gonna do? You would rather die than find yourself back in their clutches, chained up like an animal. So you cling desperately to those words, those last fighting words from the little voice inside your head.

 _They will not take you alive, Kenzi. They simply will not._

How you despise that little voice in your head. All you want really is to close your eyes and believe that all of this is a dream. You just want to sleep, just for a little bit. Just take a moment and pretend none of this is real. But that little voice won't let you be. That little voice that's never let you give up on anything in your life.

 _If you don't want to be taken alive, what the hell are you doing, sitting here feeling sorry for yourself? Get up and fight! Or run for your life. Do something. Don't just sit here waiting to get caught. If you don't want to be captured, you need to move!_

You know you the voice is right. You need to get up off your ass and do something, make a decision, while you still have options. But for the first time in your life you don't feel like fighting, or running, or holding on to anything. You feel like just staying right here and doing nothing. You feel like letting go.

You always wondered what that must feel like- giving up. You had seen it in other people. Seen hopelessness, helplessness. It was so sad, So pathetic. How could anyone let themselves fall that far? How could they screw things up so badly to not even want to try to hold onto something good? Or fight for something better? How could they find it so easy to just give everything up? To let go of hope?

You know the answer now. How it can happen in an instant, creeping up on you when you least expect it. How suddenly everything you value turns to dust and blows away. And the worst part – there isn't even anyone to blame. There's no one to be angry at. All the blame lands right at your very own trembling feet.

 _It's All. Your. Fault. You're always screwing up._

That's not new, though, it is? It's what you've always done. Screwed up, Caused trouble, walked right in to dangerous situations with your eyes wide open and just expected it would be ok.

It usually was ok, that's the thing. You seemed to be blessed, or cursed, with the ability to survive the most unbelievable situations. No matter how badly you messed up, it worked out just fine. You weren't even the teeniest bit afraid anymore, not even when you should be. Because nothing could touch you. Not anymore, not now that you have Bo. She gave you courage, isn't that what you said to Baba Yaga. You weren't that scared little girl anymore, because of Bo. It wasn't strictly true though. It might look that way from the outside. Like you were just a lowly pathetic human and you were so very lucky to have Bo to fight all your battles for you. It might look like Bo turned you into a survivor. But you had been a survivor long before Bo came along. Once upon a time you fought your own battles, and won. You did that, you climbed out of the gutter and decided that no one was going to bring you down. Bo didn't really save you from anything.

 _It's the opposite, actually. Bo is the one who shattered you. Bo turned you into this weak pathetic person who needed to be rescued. Bo did this, all of this, its all her fault really, when you stop to think about it. Bo is to blame for all of it. That's much better , isn't it? To blame her. It takes the guilt away from you. And it's so much better to hate her, isn't it? Why does hating her feel so much better than love?_

You can't hate her though, not really. She never meant any harm. She wasn't trying to hurt you. She didn't do anything exactly wrong. All she had done was care about you. All she had done was value you more than her own life, which she risked time and time over to save yours. All she had done was love you enough to go to the ends of the earth and beyond to save you. How can you blame her for anything when she has loved you so selflessly?

 _Selfless? Bo? You must be kidding. Bo did all that for herself! She didn't do it for you! She is so dependant on you- she wanted to spare herself the grief of losing you. It was never about you. It was about making her life easier, sparing herself pain. Keeping her little human pet around to make herself feel better. Bo was looking out for Bo. Don't mistake it for anything else. You're not really that naïve, are you ? You really believe SHE loves somebody like YOU?_

Maybe her motivations were selfish, but Bo was always there for you. You were never alone. And she would never abandon you now, when you need her the most. She always came when you needed her. Bo always ALWAYS came and everything turned out just fine in the end. She saved the day, she kicked the bad guys asses. You didn't have to fight your own battles anymore. Not that you couldn't, just it was nice not to have to, that's all. Who cares what her motives were, it was nice having someone on your side, someone who looked at you like you're the centre of the universe.

You'd forgotten what it was like to have no one who cared , no one to save you. You had forgotten what it felt like to have to stand alone, just you against the world, and find the strength to keep on going. You don't really know how you ever did it, or how you could possibly face the world on your own again. Not now that you know what it feels like to be loved.

It hadn't seemed like a lonely empty life, not at the time. It was all you had ever known. Pain and betrayal and disappointment and isolation. It didn't occur to you that you would ever have more. It's only now you know what it's like to be loved, to be valued for who you are and nothing else, that suddenly it seems like you can't go on without Bo by your side. That's the real sting, isn't it? Sure you had a shitty life before, you had no one, nothing. But you didn't realise how sucky that was, not til Bo showed you how life can really be. That's what you resent her for. You never would have known otherwise, you would have happily kept on living , surviving, never feeling any pain. Never being loved either- but was love really worth all this?

 _No, not worth it in the least. It would have been better for everyone if you never met Bo. Why did she have to charge into your life and destroy it? But you're not blameless. How is it that you ever let yourself fall for that shit? How could you ever believe she loved you? That anyone could? You really do deserve every thing you get this time, Kenzi. You brought this all on yourself._

You never appreciated what you had with Bo, not until this moment when you finally accept it's gone. Never stopped to marvel at how amazing it was to find someone who loved you exactly as you were, never asking you to change or be anything other than yourself. And you never took even a minute to wonder just why you could expect this to be real.

You'd never been afraid. Never felt insecure. It wasn't in your nature. But it was more than just feeling "not insecure ". You felt safe. You felt like you'd found that Kenzi shaped hole in the universe. How could this possibly end when it was so perfect? You trusted her, trusted yourself, felt like nothing could take this new life away from you.

 _How many people have to trample over your heart before you learn? No one could ever love you, Kenzi, why would they? Let alone someone like Bo. Someone who is so special in so many ways. So sought after by people better than you...what could you possible have to offer her? How could you let yourself believe she really loved you? That she needed you?_

But she did. That's the hardest part to take. If she never loved you in the first place, well that would be nothing new in your life. It wouldn't even have hurt you because you never expected love from her, from anyone. But she did. She loved you, it was real at the time, nothing will convince you otherwise. It was the most real thing you had ever known. She opened your heart, showed you what it was like to love and to be loved, to be secure, not to be alone. It might be over now, but it was real at the time.

 _How could she love you? She never knew the real you. She loved a fantasy. Even your own family think you're trash. What possible reason could anyone have to love you? Is it really a shock to find out Bo is just the same as everyone else? Bo cares about Bo. End of story. Why is that so unbelievably hard to accept? She might have thought she loved you at the start. She didn't know the real you. You kept it hidden from her, the dark places inside you, the parts of your life you were so desperately ashamed of. If she had known what kind of person you really are, she wouldn't have given you the time of day. You tricked her! And here you are too ashamed to call on her for help. Why is that? Why don't you call her to come and help you ? Because you know that if she knew the things that you've done, she would gladly leave you here to die._

It's not true, you shake you head. Bo isn't like that. You've seen a side to her that few people get to see. She has such a big heart, and it's easily broken.

 _If you care so much about her broken heart, why did you up and leave her without a word? If she loves you so much what do you think that's going to do to her?_

Maybe you should call her, maybe you shouldn't have left like that. Maybe you should have left a note. Told her it wasn't her fault. Maybe you should at least call her and say goodbye? She didn't deserve to be left behind without a word.

You could call her too, right now. It obviously hadn't occurred to anyone to take your phone from you. Because it's right here burning a hole in your pocket.

 _Why should they take your phone Kenzi? Who are you gonna call for help? They know you have nowhere to turn to. They know you aren't gonna drag Bo into this._

But you should call her at least, to explain things….  
 _  
_  
 _Oh please! Bo hasn't even noticed you're gone, she hasn't noticed any of it, because Bo only cares about Bo! If she cared at all, how could she let it get to this point? She must have known, must have seen. How many times lately has she looked at you, looked right into you- she can't be that blind. You never tried to hide it from her. She doesn't want to know, she doesn't want to see. She does't want to get sucked into this shit. She doesn't want to deal with it, so she turns a blind eye. She was waiting, crossing her fingers you would up and run, so she wouldn't have to tell you to get lost._

What did you really expect from her? You hadn't asked her for help, hadn't asked her for anything. She can't read your mind. If you'd just asked her, just tried to explain, maybe she was just waiting for you to come to her. It isn't fair to expect things from her, it wasn't just her fault things had become so distant lately. Bo is human too. No not quite human, but she is flawed like everyone else.

 _Or is she? To hear them talk about her- she is perfect, special, chosen, indestructible, unbeatable, unaligned. She is like no one before her. A trailblazer in the truest sense. No one can make Bo do anything she doesn't want to do. If she wanted to be here, she would be. If she wanted to be with you, if she cared about any of this, she wouldn't have let it get this far. She simply does not care. Why are you so reluctant to face it Kenzi? Bo does not care about you. And why should she care about a pathetic little human?_

Why are you so angry at Bo? It's you who is at fault, not Bo. Right ? Didn't you bring this all on yourself? Isn't that much more plausible than blaming Bo for any of it. Perfect flawless Bo, how could she be at fault? It would be easier to swallow that someone else to be blame, but how could it be Bo? She has done nothing but love you.

 _Maybe her intentions are pure. But, Bo is a disease. She got under your skin. She broke you. Now you're sitting here, arguing with yourself, when you should be at least trying to escape from the kidnappers pursuing you. There's only two of them. They have no weapons. You could take them on in your sleep! But you're cowering here in a dark corner. Wringing your hands in defeat, drowning in self pity because 'Bo doesn't care anymore'. As if she ever cared in the first place! You must have known it was too good to be true. Are you seriously the stupidest person on the planet, Kenzi?_

Perhaps you are the dumbest person on the planet. Perhaps you would have been better off never knowing Bo. You can't argue that. But you can't help the small piece of your heart thats still waiting for her to come and make everything ok. Still hoping she will come. Still believing in some kind of happy ending. You know you can't call her, you won't. But you pull the phone out of your pocket and clutch it as if it were a weapon, as if it could save you. You'd turned it off, because leaving it on would only have made it easier for them to capture you, and why should you make it easy? But it's dark, pitch black, you can't see your own hand in front of your face, and the darkness is suffocating. You're not gonna call her, no. But you could just turn it on, just for a minute, to see where you are. There's no harm in that right?

You can't help it, the way your heart stope beating for a second as you wait for the phone to come to life. As you realise, with horror, that you're waiting to hear from Bo. That you're waiting and hoping that she's called you, that she's left you a message, that somehow she is going to be there telling you it's all going to be ok.

So maybe you are the stupidest most pathetically naïve person on the planet. Because you cant let go of that tiny glimmer of hope. And you can't deny the way that hope in Bo makes everything feel like it's going to be ok.

 _Hope? Since when do you 'hope'? Where has hope ever got you? Listen to what she's done to you!_

It hurts more than you expect, more than it should, when you scroll through your messages, not a single message, when you check your calls, not a single missed call from anyone, let alone Bo. She really hasn't noticed you're gone. Either that, or she really does not care.

 _You don't need her, you never did. Get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and run for your life while you still have the chance._ _Turn off that stupid phone, give up on Bo, and fight for your life._ _If you don't get up right now, there really is no one to blame but you for what's coming next._

You know you should run. They are getting closer, your window of opportunity is closing. Physically though, you just don't think you can. You can't even tell where the pain is coming from anymore, it hurts all over.

 _Not as much as its gonna hurt when they catch you, you idiot!_

So true. But, so what?

You've already given up, on Bo, on yourself, on life. What's the point in fighting, in running, whats the point in anything anymore. What does it matter if they catch you and torture you.

 _If you wanna die Kenzi, then die. But they aren't gonna kill you when they catch you. It's gonna be worse than death._ _Is that what you want? I didn't think so!_ _So get up and run for your life, or lay down right here and die. But you will not give them the satisfaction of capturing you!_ _That is simply not an option!_

This is why it sucks to be a fighter. Even when you've given up on everything you still have to fight. It's never over. And while death feels like a very attractive option, you don't know how to lay down and die. How you wish you did. You don't have a weapon, you don't have any means, you don't think you can really lay down and stop your heart beating just by willing it. So if you really want to give up and die, you're gonna have to fight a little longer for the privilege of doing so with a little dignity.

It sounds so easy- get up and run for your life, don't let them catch you alive. How hard can it be? Why does it feel so much harder this time. It's not the first shitty situation you've been in. Not the worst either. And it's not just the fact that you've picked the stupidest hiding place. Even with the light of the phone, you can barely see a thing. That dim light, that stupid dim light of hope. It's so painful to hold onto it. To keep looking down as if you really think Bo is gonna call you. But you can't turn it off. You can't drop it and leave it behind. It's your connection to Bo and you can't bring yourself to sever it. No matter how much it hurts to keep holding on.

Speaking of pain, you have a splitting headache, and it's hard to tell in the darkness, but things seem blurry. Every time you breathe in you're reminded painfully that your ribs are broken. You wrists are aching from the restraints, the way you had pulled against them trying to get free. You could feel the exact spot he had grabbed you, almost breaking your arm, and held you down while his partner restrained you. You can't really see but you're sure there are bruises all over your arms. And even in the mere minutes you've stopped here to sulk in the dark corner- you feel like you're losing energy, like each minute you stop makes it harder to get moving.

 _You've been injured before, why are you being such a whiny brat?_

Yes, you've been injured before. But never like this. This time you really feel like you're about to die, like you can't live with the pain one second longer. As if your body has been crushed to the point you can't possible survive it. That's the trouble with being a survivor, sometimes it really hurts. Surviving isn't all it's cracked up to be. It isn't worth the pain. You wish you hadn't taken so long to learn that life lesson.

The reason you stopped running was because you couldn't stop crying out in pain every time you took a step. And the sound echoed through the tunnels, they would hear you as soon as they got anywhere near, it would lead them straight to you. And you knew it- knew that if you didn't shut the hell up you were as good as defeated. But even the prospect of capture wasn't enough to silence those cries. It was too much to ask of your annoying human body. And so you stopped, just for a moment, just to catch your breath. To strengthen your resolve to keep moving. Only to find that now you've stopped-the pain is even worse- it that's possible.

 _Suck it up and get moving. You're good at hiding pain. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, put on a smile, and move._

Yes, you're well practiced at hiding pain. From the time you were a little girl it was something you learned. Something you still had occasion to practice, for different reasons though. You would watch as Bo would emerge from her bedroom after a nasty fight, a totally different person. All her wounds gone, any trace of pain vanished. Not incapacitated in any way. And you didn't begrudge her that. Just it didn't feel right to let her see how much pain you were in. It felt weak. Felt like she would think you couldn't keep up, that you weren't worthy of fighting at her side. You didn't want her to think of you as being vulnerable or breakable. You wanted her to see you as fearless, as her equal, someone she could count on to have her back. Not someone who cried in pain at every little injury, who could be stopped by a few bruises or broken bones. So you learned to push the pain away, to smile at her, and make out like it wasn't a big deal. You would lay there on the couch, in your aching human body, and force yourself to transcend, to rise above the pain. Because the thought of her knowing how much pain you were in always seemed worse than the pain itself. You learned to put on a brave face and force the pain away. For Bo, or for your own dignity, or both.

 _So imagine if Bo could see you now- is this what you would let her see? For all you know, she's on her way. For all you know, those footsteps in the distance aren't those two morons you escaped from. It could be her. And is this what Bo is gonna find when she gets here? Pathetic little Kenzi, can't stand and fight, can't even run like a coward, all she knows how to do anymore is sit here and cry because it's all too damn hard. Sitting here waiting for someone to save you, can't even lift a finger to help yourself. This might be who you've turned into, but is it who you want Bo to see when she comes marching in to save you?_

But she isn't coming, she hasn't even noticed that you've gone. Right?

"Bo ..is .. Not .. Coming." It feels like it's important to say it out loud, to make it true, like a spell. Like your words have power.

But you know it, the minute her name leaves your lips, that all you want, all you really really want in the whole world right now- is Bo.

 _Oh my God, You WANT her to find you! You want her to get stuck in the middle of this, You want to tell her everything. It_ 's _why you won't get_ _up and fight, why you wont run. You want her to find you sitting her crying, you want her to put her arms around you and make you feel safe. To take all the pain and fear away. You want her to go mental and deal with the two lunatics who are after you. You want her to tell them they better not ever come near you again or they are gonna pay. You want to see the look on their faces when Bo lets them have it. You want her to kneel down, taking your face in her hands, and ask you "_ K _enzi, what_ 's _wrong, what happened?" And you will try, patheticaly, to tell her nothing is wrong, you don't really need her help. And she will shake her head, and look deeply into your eyes, and as if you were a child she would say ." Kenzi, you're so silly, Why didn't you come to me? You know you can always come to me, I'll always be here for you no matter what, I'm on your side Kenzi." And she will be a teeny bit mad that you didn't come to her with your problems, but mostly she will be smug, because this is what she loves the most, playing hero to your victim, saving her little human pet from the big bad world. And she will pull you close, and kiss the top of your head and say "Kenzi, you know I would never give up on you!"_

She would never give up on you. Right?  
 _  
_Because how many times had she said exactly that? "Kenzi, you know I would never give up on you." It wasn't just words, it was on the heels of her chasing you across realms to bring you home safely. It wasn't just something people say. She had proved it, time and time over. So why are you doing this? Why can't you just go to her and ask for help? You can see it now, the look in her eyes, because she always looked at you like that when she was telling you how much she loved you. She didn't look at anyone else like that, which always made you feel so special. She wouldn't look at you like that if she merely owned you. She did love you. And she needed you. _  
_  
She STILL needs YOU  
Bo NEEDS you.

She told you so, many times. So why are you doing this to her? How easily you get caught up in what YOU need Kenzi, you forget she needs you too! She always has.

 _She needs you? Oh yeah, she needs you Kenzi. Have you ever asked yourself why she needs you? Why she keeps you around? What she gets out of this friendship?_

She could have any one, literally ANY ONE she wanted in the whole world, and she picks - … Kenzi? What have you ever achieved in life, what have you ever done of value? Nothing! You're just a human for crying out lout. And you won't even have sex with her! She is a succubus, it's all she cares about. So what use are you? So what does she get out of it? Why does she fight so vehemently to protect you? Haven't you ever asked her, haven't you ever asked yourself?

It's because she OWNS you Kenzi, She CLAIMED you. You're her property. And sure she could own any human she wanted, what makes you so special? You, Kenzi, and the stupidest most messed up pathetic human on the planet- thats WHY Bo picked you. She loves to watch you mess up, time and time again, throwing yourself into situations you have no hope of getting out of. So she can ride in and save the day, be your hero. It makes her feel good about herself to keep such a screw up around. When she tells you she loves you- she means this "I own you Kenzi. You're mine. And I love the way you always mess things up, it makes me look really good when I come in and save the day."

No! It isn't true. It's not.  
You don't want to be owned.  
You don't want to be saved.  
You don't want to think about Bo anymore.

 _You know, no matter what, she is gonna find out about this, don't you? All she has to do is_ _reach over, in a split second, with one touch, she can compel you to tell everything. Then its not your choice, is it? Its not your fault. It's easy to vow you'll never tell her. You'll protect her from all the badness. How noble of you. You know she wont rest til she gets answers, one way or another. You know she won't just let this go. She will take one look in your eyes, see something terribly wrong, and she will be determined to find out all the gory details._

But don't kid yourself that she's gonna sweep you up in her arms and protect you. When she finds out what you've done she wont be able to look at you without feeling sick. She won't want you around, she wont want to remember she even knew you let alone supposedly loved you. You know that's how its going to go, you have to know it!

All right I get it. Enough!

 _So get up and get moving. What do you think is going to happen when they catch you? Don't you think they are gonna go straight to Bo with their prize?_

No, they promised. They said they wouldn't involve her. They have no reason to. They don't want her they just want me.

 _Oh..they promised? Well then. People never break those, do they? Seriously, where has your head gone? What is wrong with you?! Bo really has messed you up Kenzi, you used to know better._

It doesn't matter. They can try to get to Bo, she wont let them. She wont come this time, not for you, not for them, not for anyone. She's too busy with her new friend. She hasn't got time to get sucked into their stupid kidnapping scheme. She hasn't even noticed anything is going on remember?

 _Oh she'll come. You know she will. In the end, she always finds out, she always comes. And she will care- not about you - she'll care about herself as usual. And how it affects her. She'll care so much she wont be able to rest until she';s found out every teeny thing that's happened._

 _You know it, it's why you ran. You ran from them, sure. Because no one is gonna kidnap you against your will. You ran from the things they were going to do to you. But you were running because you knew they were gonna lead Bo right to you. You might be dumb enough to think she loved you once, but are you really dumb enough to think she's gonna understand this? She's gonna forgive it?_

No, no, no. She wont understand it. She can never know. The shame of Bo finding out…its enough to motivate you to scramble to your feet. You have to lean against the wall to hold you upright, because you're legs won't hold you up. You can taste blood in your mouth from where you've bitten your lip to stop crying out in pain. It's excruciating, but you manage to take a few steps, and almost convince yourself that it doesn't really hurt that much.

With that you finally find the strength to extinguish that little glimmer of hope, as you fumble around trying to switch off the phone. It's too hard, you can't do it, so you throw the phone to the ground, forgetting for a moment that your pursuers are out there, and stamp on it with your foot to smash it to pieces. You don't need the phone anymore, you don't need Bo. Bo can never know about this. That matters more than being caught, more than surviving, more than anything. Whatever happens, Bo can never ever know the truth. You just have to get away, from them, from Bo, far far away from all of it. The further the better. When you're dead none of it will matter, none of it can touch you.

 _That's not a solution. What are you gonna do? Disappear without a trace? Drop dead? Leave_ _Bo wondering what she did wrong? Leave her to punish herself for driving you away? She will torment herself over it, how she never saw it coming, how she couldn't save you. Are you that selfish?_

But she doesn't care, she never loved you, hasn't noticed you're in trouble. Why can't you just up and go? Why can't you just drop dead and end it once and for all? Why does every decision have to be one that suits Bo?

 _It will break her heart. You really want her to find your lifeless rotting corpse ? To live the rest of her life blaming herself for your death. Sure that's a nice out for you, And why should you care about Bo, or anyone?_ _Ok fine, Do it. Just die._

 _You think Bo won't follow you to the afterlife? You think you'll be free even there? I don't think so. You think Bo can't bring you back to life with sheer willpower, and a little bit of life sucking fae power. Or maybe she can't, maybe she'll have thrown her life away and be damned for eternity, right next to you, is that what you want ?_

No!  
You never wanted Bo anywhere near this, you don't want her to sacrifice her life for you. You don't want her to be hurt at all, its why you won't call her, why you're running from her. You want to protect her.

There are no options, That's the thing, isn't it? There is no escape, not even death. This terrifies you to the core, more than anything ever has. There is nothing you can do.

 _You can't even decide what you want , what you're running from, there really is nothing to be done for you. You're officially a lost cause._

And there you have it. That's how it happened. That's all it took to break you, to turn a survivor into a .. What? What is the correct terminology for what you've become? There isn't really a word that describes it, how far you've fallen.

You stop trying to run, because there is no point in it, and it just hurts too much.

It's quiet, too quiet. Even that little voice in your head has given up on you. There is nothing left to do, no more choices. All you can do is sit and wait for whatever is coming for you.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Kenzi

You hear footsteps drawing eerily closer. If you strain you can hear the two of them, arguing with each other.

"She went this way." He says, and the arrogance in his voice makes your skin crawl.

"No, she didn't" The woman tell him, in a not so patient tone.

"I'm telling you, she went this way." He insists.

"I don't see how she could get that far with her injuries." She responds.

"She's very determined." He explains. You almost mistake that for a compliment. Until he quickly feels the need to add. "For a human."

"You can have that inscribed on her tombstone." The woman says bitterly to him.

"Do you think you could refrain from making comments like that?" He asks her.

"I'm not joking around, She is critically injured. She isn't going to last long without medical intervention. She's merely human, as you seem to feel the need to keep pointing out!" She snaps in reply.

"I get it, That's why Im here, helping you look for her. But there's no point in panicking just yet. It isn't constructive." He pauses then adds. "This isn't your fault, if that's what you're thinking."

"Never said it was." She is quick to answer. "I left her with you for five minutes. All morning I managed to keep her in one place, five minutes with you and she's escaped! Why should I think that it was my fault?"

"Do you mean to imply that it's my fault?" He asks, like only a man can. With incredulity , a tinge of innocence, and the tiniest but of righteous indignation.

"I didn't say that." She replies, but her tone makes it clear that's exactly what she was getting at. "There's plenty of blame to go round. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, who is going to get the blame. None of it is going to matter when we're dragging her cold dead body back." She finishes chillingly.

"Stop it, whats got into you, we're going to find her!" He yells this loudly. As if he is trying to convince himself more than her. He might have been trying to sound angry. But the only thing you hear echoing down that dark tunnel right towards you, is fear. He is just as a big coward.

And it takes one to know one.

It's quiet for awhile after that.

So quiet, so dark, its surreal.

It makes you jump when his loud voice echoes down the tunnels calling your name.

"Kenzi!"

You hear footsteps too, echoing. Are they coming closer, or further away? You can't tell anymore. They echo round and round in your head tormenting you.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to talk. I think we can work this out. I think there's been a misunderstanding. We can work it all out, just come talk to me ok?" This is what he says to you.

He must think you are incredibly naive and stupid. Maybe he thinks all humans are? Not even the dumbest human on the planet- which apparently Kenzi, you are- Would fall for that! He can't say ' _I'm not going to hurt you_ ' When he already has! What are you supposed to think? He is sorry? And if you go back with him things will all be different?

The woman, at least, had been very honest. She had even given you a choice- if you can call it that. " _Kenzi, this is what I'm going to do- you can choose to be fine with that, or I'll get him to chain you up and do it anyway. But you have a choice Kenzi,_ ' Must be she has a different definition of the word choice, but at least you can respect her for being straight with you. He was just a lying pig.

She isn't impressed with his bullshit claims either.

"Your hostage negotiation leaves a lot to be desired." She tells him.

In spite of the shittiness of the situation, this makes you smile a little. If you're about be be captured or killed then you may as well enjoy the entertainment.

"It's not hostage negation." He answers back to her, as if he is deeply insulted. "Hostage negotiation is where you negotiate with a perpetrator to let a hostage go." He explains, because, clearly, they have run out of better things to talk about. He sounds so conceited too. Like he knows the answer to everything. It's one of the things you hate most about him. The way he always acts like he knows everything.

"Oh, silly me." She replies, and even though the words are soft and distant, you can't miss the sarcasm. "As opposed to negotiating with a hostage to return to captivity, what do you call that? Do you have a name for that?" And there it is again. At least she is calling it how it is. You are , were, their hostage, and he is here trying to sweet talk you into coming back.

"She isn't a hostage." He says firmly, but there is something else in his voice, weariness maybe. You almost laugh out loud when he says it too, what would he call it? He is chasing you through these disgusting tunnels so he can chain you up against your will. If that isn't a hostage you don't know what the hell is! You want the woman to tell him so too. Tell him he is a moron and ask him what he would like to call you if you're not a hostage.

She doesn't thought, only says. "Not sure she sees it that way."

"So, following your logic, she is the hostage….." He begins with incredulity.

"I didn't say she was a hostage, I said she sees it that way." The woman clarifies before he can finish,

"No, you said I was negotiating with a "hostage" to return to "captivity!" He insists. "So what? That makes me — and you, I might add,— what? The captors? The criminals?"

"You said it." She says quietly back to him.

"What would you have me do? Just let her go?" He demands

"No, but you're not going to get anywhere speaking to her like she is a criminal!" She snaps back at him.

"I thought you said she was a hostage?" He teases. His voice is light, joking.

But she does not seem to find it amusing. "For god sake it doesn't matter. My point is she isn't going to fall for your little speech!"

"It's worth a try." He answers back, seemingly unperturbed.  
"The whole reason she escaped in the first place is because you can't face what's happening here. You don't want to see her as a hostage, you don't want to hold her against her will." The words tumble out of her mouth in a rush, as if she had been biting them back for a long time.

"Is that so wrong?" He wants to know. "Am I supposed to like it?"

"No you're not supposed to like it but you're supposed to be able to handle it. You weren't thinking about Kenzi, you were thinking about yourself. You unchained her because you can't handle being the bad guy." She accuses him.

"She promised me she wouldn't run..." Even as he says it he must realise how lame it sounds, how gullible he had been.

"How did that work out ? And now you're trying to talk her into coming back as if she has any reason at all to listen to you or trust you. There's only one way we are gonna get her back and if you can't handle it then you may as well just go."

"I know what I have to do if it comes to that. But isn't it better to get her to come with us willingly?" He asks.

"We don't have time to mess around!"

"What is it you would like me to be doing instead? I'm here helping you, what more do you want?"

"I'm not the one who needs your help. She could die because of your mistake - or doesn't a dead human mean anything to you?"

"Whoa. You're getting carried away, and it's not helping Kenzi. If you want to be mad at me, fine. But blaming me, or making me say 'Im sorry' a hundred times, is not going to get her back. And- She isn't going to die." He says it with such certainty that it makes you feel sick. Because that's all you have left to hope for now. Death.

"Oh can you predict the future? Or you have some medical skills I don't know about?"

"What has got into you, I've never seen you like this." He says in such a tender voice it makes you wonder if your ears are playing tricks on you.

"We need to keep moving, the sooner we find her the better."

"Agreed."

You hate them both, that goes without saying. She might not sound happy at whats going on or her place in it- but not unhappy enough to well not kidnap and torture you. She doesn't even feel bad enough to lie to herself about who she is and what she's done. She understands whats happening, there is no way to get to her. You knew it from the start, its why you waited to be alone with him to make your move. But he?, Well, he is just absolutely full of shit. Trying to tell you he won't hurt you just come back. Then again, it's like he really doesn't see himself as a bad guy at all. Maybe if you could make him see- yeah douchebag you're the fucking criminal, this is criminal, you can't kidnap people, hold them again their will while other people torture them, even if they are lowly humans, maybe if he had to look smack in the face what he was doing— maybe you would have a chance to get to him. Then again, he is a man, and fae, that's two strikes… two reasons why he doesn't need to bother caring about someone like you. Why should he care if she calls him a criminal. It it really criminal for fae to torture and kidnap humans? Probably not. So what is with that little tinge of guilt in his wounded tone?  
There must be some other reason he is so desperate to find you alive. He needs you for something.  
Maybe he is just scared what Bo will do to him if he lets anything happen to you?

He probably is.  
She probably is too, come to think of it.  
It's all anyone ever cares about really, isn't it? Bo.  
He calls to you again.  
"Kenzi?!"  
He sounds like he is calling to a dog, expecting it to come running. He had chained you like an animal, so maybe he really sees it that way. That you are so mindless you'll just come running when he calls? Just like that, gone are your hopes for trying to make him see sense about anything. As long as someone cleans up the mess from your dead body, he has no reason to worry about anything. Why would he feel insulted being called a criminal for something thats so deeply ingrained as part of his heritage and culture? He wouldn't, he doesn't. You're just losing it. Neither of them feel bad about a single thing they've done to you. You're imagining it. You don't have a hope of negotiating with them. Whether he sees it or not, you are the hostage, and you don't have a single thing left to bargain with. They aren't gonna help you, they only care about themselves. And Bo.

"We're not angry at you Kenzi." He tells you. His voice is soft, gentle, as if he is talking to a child. Its such a stark contrast to the way he just screamed your name. It's a lie too. No matter what he says, you can hear it in his voice, the anger he is trying to squash down. He is angry alright, with you, with his partner. He is afraid, and he is angry. And he is totally full of shit. You're not gonna fall for it. Not a single word.

"Speak for yourself!" The woman interrupts. "Kenzi, you're behaving like a spoiled selfish brat and I've had enough of this game!" She yells.

"Stop it!" He says to her. And if you had any question about the anger rising up in him, it's gone now.

The woman is unperturbed by his angry orders, she just keeps on talking to you. "You know we're gonna find you right? There is no way out of this. Every second you waste here is going to make it harder on you. Why do you have to go out of your way to make things difficult? Do you get some kind of pleasure out of this? Out of watching us frantically chase you all over town? Is it entertaining? Are you just trying to get attention? Let me tell you, you have my attention! So what is the point of this stupid game? Do you ever get sick of acting like an immature brat? You're not a baby so stop acting like one. You're a grown woman so lets just talk about this like adults. I really tried to help you, I tried to do this the easy way, but you just throw it all back in my face! You know what really gets to me- is how the hell can Bo put up with this shit? Seriously does she not have anything better to do?"

Ouch. Ok, that hurt. Anger, thats fine, the fact you were pissing her off, after all she's done to you, good! The fact she thinks you're a spoiled brat who is seeking attention- thats nothing new. The comment about Bo- that cut you to the bone. Because — as usual— that bitch is right. Bo shouldn't have to put up wth it, she doesn't want to, well she won't have to anymore, will she then? And if you're such a stupid spoiled selfish brat then Bo won't miss you when you're gone. No one will. And whatever happens to those two- whatever punishment for letting you escape and drop dead- well they deserve it.. So fine, its all just fine! . You want to punch her in the face. And you kind of want to thank her for giving you back your fighting spirit. Though you doubt her angry tirade was meant to have any positive effects for you.

"That's not helping!" His booming voice jars you from your thoughts. He is become less and less able to cover up his rage. If you cared even a little for the woman, you might feel bad for her. Because once they find you dead, he is going to really lose it, and there isn't anyone else around to cop it— just her. She deserves it though, doesn't she? Don't they both deserve every single thing that's coming to them? If your death makes them suffer then it's worth something at least. Thats just one tiny bit of pleasure they can't take away from you.

"Oh and you're little speech was so successful. She isn't going to believe anything you say after what you did to her!" The woman points out, and she is spot on. "You think you can say oh sorry about all that, just come back, and everything will be totally different this time…"

"I didn't say sorry- I'm not sorry- I didn't do a nothing to be sorry for, neither did you!"

You feel bad now, thinking that he might be redeemable, that he might have felt bad with his part in it. Obviously he doesn't feel that bad, not even bad enough to pretend to say sorry.

"Then what's your problem? You think you didn't do anything wrong, why are you lying to her?" She asks.

"I'm not lying." He insists.

"We're not gonna hurt you.." She mocks.

"Well, It's not like we are trying to hurt her, not like we want to." He explains.

"That doesn't make a difference to her! " The woman yells back at him. So right, you don't care one bit if they are sorry, or if they mean to hurt you or want to. What difference does it make? You want to tell him that to his face too, stupid dick. You can't just say oh its ok I didn't want to do that. That doesn't make it ok. What kind of person really thinks thats ok?

"Ok, well its worth a try. It's better than yelling at her. She can't be far we'll find her, just settle down." He tells her.

"Just settle down? I don't know how she even made it this far, Don't you understand. We are running out of time. There is only so much trauma a human body can tolerate."

You can't quite hear what he says back to his partner. You have to concentrate to make it out. He isn't angry at her anymore. He is talking to her like a child now too, It's insulting and condescending and makes you want to kick him again, right where it hurts. Or where it was supposed to hurt! You're not really sure if it's the same for fae. He seemed to recover pretty fast- but it did knock him to the floor long enough for you to get away. One good kick between the legs had saved you many times. And you're not sorry in the least for doing it to him, not when you listen to him try to trick you into coming back to be tortured, or talk to his partner like she's a child and he knows everything. She had been right— he let you escape! It's all his fault really, but here he is acting like he's the hero. It makes you sick.

"You can't fall apart on me now." He is saying to her. "We're going to find her. It's what I do. I just need you to hang in there a little longer with me. Then I need you to take a deep breath and get yourself together. Because once we're found her, it's up to you. I can't help after that. You need to be ready to do your part. So you're gonna have to freak out later- ok? Because there isn't anyone else that can do your job for you."

If the woman answers him, you can't hear what she says.

He continues. "You think I don't understand, I do. I know what's at stake, and I am frustrated too. And afraid. But getting angry at her isn't going to help anything. She isn't deliberately trying to personally aggravate you. She isn't thinking clearly. Don't take it to heart. We just need to find her, that's the first thing. And then we'll make sure she gets the treatment she needs - whatever it takes. She will be ok."

"I don't understand why she is doing this." The woman says in an exasperated tone. You can't help but feel a little sorry for her. Even after what she said about Bo. Because she doesn't sound angry anymore. She just sounds afraid, and helpless, and desperate, and confused. And you can't help but imagine that she is Bo. Is that what Bo would say? " _I just don't understand why she is doing this._ " With such sadness in her voice. Is that what you want? Or would she be angry, telling you to stop being a stupid human brat and wasting everyones time?

"I don't understand either." He says, and for the first time he is speaking kindly to her. "But we just have to stay focused."

It's quiet for a long time after that. As if they have gone so far away you can no longer hear them anymore. Or maybe they are keeping quiet to trick you ? You don't dare move.

After a while you hear the woman calling your name again. Just her this time.

"Kenzi? I know you can hear me. I know you're listening."

Her words get to you this time, because you can't help but imagine she is Bo.

"I don't really blame you for running, I would too. I can't let you leave, Im sorry for that, but it's just not something I can allow. I can't let you die down here. Im sorry for what I said before. I was frustrated. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help you. I'm your best chance at getting out of this alive. No one wants this to end badly. I don't understand why you're doing this, or what you hope to achieve. I don't understand the things you said to me. But I want to help you, and I can if you let me. I don't know why you made me promise to keep Bo out of this. But I know that it's important to you. And I agreed. But if you insist on making this so difficult, Im not going to be able to keep my promise. So you have a choice, you can come back with us, and we have no reason to get Bo involved in anything. You can do as I say, and let me help you. Or you can keep making this hard, and I'll call her right now. And let me tell you I wanna call her, I really do. Because I'm sick of banging my head against a brick wall, And I'm terrified, because I know what's going to happen if you don't come back with is. I don't know what to do anymore, and I would love nothing more than to turn all of this over to someone else. But you came to me, remember? You asked me for help. And I want to help you, Kenzi, I mean that. I'm trying to help you. You asked me not to get Bo involved. And I went along with that, because you asked it of me. I didn't want to but I did it anyway. So I don't understand why you're doing this, why you're acting like I'm trying to hurt you, I've done all I can to make this easy for you. But it's your choice, I can't force you. I just want to let you know- that the reason I'm going back on my word is because you've made this impossible, because you're running out of time, because your life is at stake and that's important to me, and to Bo. I don't like breaking my promise. So I want to give you one last chance. Just come back with us now and let me help you, and you have my word I won't call Bo. That's it."

She makes it sound so simple. Like she is such a good person, trying to help you, what a load of shit. You'r judgement must have been severely impaired, because yes you went to her for help- and what did you get for it? She can't expect you to just throw up your hands in surrender and let them take you? And the way she makes it sound so nice, like she is giving you a chance, doing you a favour! It's a threat, plain and simple. She knows that it would hurt Bo to get involved in this, she knows you would do anything to protect Bo. She is using it to get her way, manipulating you. And still, what choice do you have? You like to think she is bluffing. But you hear in her voice, she is at the end of her rope, she is just pissed off enough to do it. You have no guarantee she will keep her promise if you do go with her though! But so far, you admit, she had kept Bo out of it, and didn't you owe it to Bo to at least do everything in your power to keep her away from this?

You can't bring yourself to speak though. You can hear her so clearly, but you can't see her, can't even see the glow from her flashlight. If you called to her, would she hear you? How far can you push her dwindling patience before she snaps?

You don't have the energy to go to her. Even if you were sure you wanted to turn yourself in. You barely have the energy to call to her. Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe if you just had a few more minutes you would die and not have to make the choice.

"Kenzi, this just got out of hand, it wasn't supposed to be like this." She says. It's sincere, you don't think she has been enjoying this, not in the least. But "out of hand" was a vast understatement for all the things they had done to you. "We can talk and work it out without getting anyone else involved. Please? I want to work this out, I want you to understand what I'm saying, and make the right choice. I don't want it to be like this. I'm really trying to understand what you're doing, what's going on, what you need from me. If you would just talk to me we can work something out, I know we can."

You must be losing it, because she almost wins you over. She sounds so caring. And it would be all too easy to fall into that trap. You have to remind yourself, she is just afraid of what's going to happen to her when Bo finds out about this. She would suffer a lot of blame, you realise. And it almost makes you feel bad. Because she was only doing what she felt she had to.

You shake your head, there is no time to think about her, About Bo, about anyone. This is the problem now. You never had to think about others before, all your energy was focused on you, on survival. It's not easy to shift back into that, and its not easy to stop caring about other people now that Bo opened that door to you. Even more of a hinderance is that surviving, just surviving no matter the cost, doesn't seem a worthy goal. There are things too painful to live with. Things you can't change. It's eaten away at your drive to survive. You don't really want to live anymore. You can't remember why you ever did. You're not a quitter though, and you're not going to surrendur to them just because you're spirit is broken. You always thought survival was the number one goal, the most important thing to aspire to. You thought that once you give up will to survive you're beaten. As good as dead. But you still have goals. Getting away from them. Not giving them the satisfaction. You haven't given up on everything. Not yet. You kind of wish you could just let it all go. Just tell them - _take me- torture me- I don't care, I'm dead inside already._ But you're not. Not yet. If you were dead inside, it wouldn't hurt so much. And it still hurts so much.

It takes you a moment to realise that something doesn't add up. Because the woman had been so angry before. So frustrated. Then she was calmly making deals and apologising for things getting "out of hand". And finally she is pleading to work it out. It's not right. Something is very very off here. Just what does she mean she doesn't want it to be like this? Like what? And where is he?

It's a little too late you realise it, You can hear him breathing a split second before you feel his arms grab hold of you. There's no where to go, he has you backed into a corner. Even if you weren't injured, he is stronger by far. You know there is no one around, just you and the two of them, no one can hear you scream, but you do scream anyway. It's a reflex. Or maybe you just do it to piss him off.

It does get to him too, but only causes him to clasp his hand over your mouth to silence you.

"Stop!" He is yelling at you, but why should you listen to him? You know you can't escape, but you struggle against his grasp anyway, why make it easy for him? His arms are pressed against your broken ribs, and the pain is excruciating. But you won't give him the satisfaction of knowing he is causing you pain. You fight back the tears, glad it's too dark for him to see in the dim torch light. He isn't gonna let himself get kicked between the legs twice, and has positioned himself so you can't get anywhere near his precious package. You don't have a single thing you can do to him, not even to annoy him, but you sure as hell won't let him take you peacefully. If they wanna do this, then they can damn well take you kicking and screaming.

He calls to his partner, and you see the dim light from her torch as she approaches.

You imagine she would be pleased that he has captured you, that you fell into their trap. But she is far from pleased. Even in the dim glow you can see the fire in her eyes. At first you think its aimed at you. After all she was plenty pissed at you for ruining her day. But you realise she is mad at him, not you.

"Let her go!" She orders."You're hurting her."

"Let her go?" He asks. "Three hours we've been down here in these stinking tunnels trying to find her, and you want me to let her go?"

I told you to wait! She would have come to us willingly!." She yells

"You're the one who said we were running out of time!" He answers back.

"You don't have to be so rough." She tells him as approaches.

"Im not trying to be, she is making it difficult." He insists. And it's true, you're making it as difficult as you can.

"Let her go." The woman tells him again. This time she says it quietly, but there is no question it's an order. And this time, he obeys.

"Alright." He says in the kind of tone that means it's not really all right at all. He puts his hands up in surrender. If you had the slightest energy you might have made a run for it, or at least tried to kick him or punch him or spit at him. But you don't.

The woman is shining the torch into your eyes, and poking you with needles, injecting god knows what into you. You have no power to stop her. You don't even bother to tell her to stop, or call her names. What good would it do? It feels kind of peaceful, just to sit there and let her do whatever she wants. It feels kind of nice to stop fighting. If you'd known how nice defeat felt you may have given up years ago. Was all that fighting all those years really worth it? For what? Life? Freedom? What good had ever come from it? All along you could have just given up and died and it would have saved you so much grief.

"I'm sorry." The woman says to you. As if you can kidnap someone and chain them up and torture them and just say oh I'm sorry about that.

"But you really brought this on yourself." She finishes.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Lauren

Her hand is shaking as she reaches for the door handle. She isn't nervous, not as such. She feels decidedly unwelcome though. Feels like an intruder. To the point she can't bring herself to turn the handle, to let herself in as she had done dozens of time before. Instead, she takes a deep breath, clenches her hand to a fist and knocks. At least by knocking she would give Bo a chance to...take a break .. from whatever she happened to be doing. And with whom.

Things had been strained, distant, between them lately. Lauren likes to think its not about sex. She likes to think she is evolved enough to handle the fact her girlfriend is a succubus, and has needs that Lauren can not fulfil. But to be honest, there is a tinge of jealousy there. Not just because Bo had been so busy with her new "friend" and she felt slighted. But because it seemed everything was an argument these days. The latest over a recent crusade of Bo's- yet another worthy cause that Bo had to risk her life for – despite even Dyson warning her to stay out of it. Bo couldn't help herself, and it was one of the things Lauren cherished about her. She had such passion for causes she believed in. She wasn't afraid to stand up for what was right, or help people who couldn't help themselves. It just always seemed so impulsive, as if Bo gave no thought to the potential consequences – for herself or others. And Lauren harboured deep fears for Bo's safety- as well as those around her. And to be honest, she resented being left in the dark, sitting around wondering what kind of trouble Bo was in this time. Wondering if she was ok.

Lauren had heard, from Kenzi, that things had gone badly on some kind of job last night, and Bo had been injured. Bo hadn't come to see her, though. So Lauren presumed she found some- healing- from elsewhere. Lauren tried not to think about the specifics of that. Tried not to react to the way Kenzi taunted her ' _Bo is perfectly fine. She found a different kind of healing to the services you offer_.' And of course, Lauren was relieved that Bo was ok. She didn't want Bo to be injured or in pain. But she couldn't help but thinking that if Bo was a little more discerning before she marched off on these crusades, there wouldn't be the need for all of this sexual healing. Perhaps that was the point? Lauren mused. Being injured was an excuse to seek out other partners. She can't blame Bo for that. It was part of her nature, Lauren knows she shouldn't take it personally. She is the one Bo has chosen. Why couldn't that be enough?

She makes a concerted effort to push her thoughts aside. There were more pressing issues. She hadn't come here to start an argument, or to torture herself about Bo's healing session.  
As Bo opens the door, she is unable to hide her surprise at seeing Lauren. It's written all over her face.

"Lauren? I wasn't expecting you." It is polite, but Lauren feels... insulted. Unwanted.

Bo isn't dressed, Lauren can't help but notice, that she is wearing nothing underneath her robe. She pulls it around her, tying the cord as she steps out into the doorway, blocking Lauren from entering. Lauren never ceased to be amazed by Bo's beauty. Every movement so graceful, so enticing. It never failed to steal Lauren's breath away. Even when she was angry, jealous, hurt. Lauren had asked herself, more than once, about the extent of Bo's power. Lauren often felt under a spell. As if she was powerless, as if she had no control. And she postulated that it was possible Bo had some kind of power she exuded without knowing. Something that drew Lauren to love her no matter what. Something Lauren had no choice in. She feels that way, at times, that she has no choice about it. And she doesn't like how it feels. But isn't that just what it is to be in love? True unconditional love? Sometimes she wants to walk away, just to see if she is capable, if she has the power. Just to prove she isn't under a spell. Then she tells herself, if she really was under a spell she wouldn't be capable of even thinking of walking away, she would have no awareness of being trapped. The logic of it is enough to put her mind at ease. Most of the time. The rest of the time she is so enamoured she doesn't think she cares if it is a spell.

Lauren looks away, almost embarrassed, wondering if Bo can read her mind, if she knows how incredibly desirable she is. Wondering if Bo can see the burning jealousy in her eyes.

"I've been calling you all day, so has Dyson." Lauren tries not to make it sound like an accusation, but there is frustration evident in her tone, and it sets Bo on the defensive instantly.

"I've been busy." Is all the explanation Bo seems to feel is required. "I got your messages I was going to call back later." Bo offers casually.

Lauren had never been good at hiding her emotions, and she knows she hasn't hid her anger well at all this time.

"May I come in?" Lauren asks, through gritted teeth, "I need to talk to you."

"If you've got something to say, Lauren, just say it!" Bo snaps.

Lauren hesitates, a little taken aback at the unprovoked attack. She doesn't quite know where to start now.

"I'm sorry I missed your call." Bo continues, Although, she doesn't sound terribly apologetic. "I thought we were past this." Bo sighs wearily.

"Past what?" Lauren asks, confused.

"You said you understood, that sometimes I needed...other people." Bo is clearly not entirely comfortable, she cant bring herself to say it either. And no, they weren't past it. But that wasn't the reason Lauren had come.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Lauren lies- and not convincingly, "I'm not here about your – activities with ..anyone." How ridiculous. They are both adults, both know Bo's nature, yet talking about it seemed so shameful. "I was concerned about your injuries last night." This is true, and Bo can see genuine concern in Lauren's eyes. She softens a little, stepping aside to let Lauren in.

"Oh." Bo says, a tinge of guilt in her tone. "I didn't think you knew about that."

"No, you made sure of that." Lauren retorts bitterly.

"You made it clear you didn't approve, I didn't want you to worry. You always say I don't consider how you feel, so I considered it. And decided it would be better if you didn't know what was going on." Bo explains, as if this is perfectly reasonable.

"You didn't think I needed to know your life was at risk?" Lauren clarifies. She supposes she should feel grateful that Bo had at least considered her feelings. It was an improvement. "Bo, I'm your partner, I care about you, and I'm a Dr I can help you."She doesn't know how to explain this. If Bo really does not understand why she is upset at being kept out of the loop, there isn't any hope Lauren can shed light with an angry protest.

"You wouldn't have wanted me to do it, and I needed to. Was I supposed to let them get away with it? Do you think what those Fae are doing is ok?" Bo challenges.

They were familiar words, a familiar argument. Bo always believed her cause was worth any sacrifice. That Lauren worried too much for no good reason. Lauren doesn't want to get into it. Not just because its pointless, but she wonders just who is waiting in Bo's bed- listening to all of this, waiting to take advantage of any animosity between Bo and Lauren.

"It's one of the things I love most about you, that you are so passionate about what you believe in, about helping people..." Lauren explains. This isn't so much for Bo's benefit, she realises, she wants anyone listening to know that she loves Bo and has no intention of walking away. Also, Lauren notices she faint scar on Bo's head, not quite healed. Thinking about Bo being injured somehow softened her anger and intensified it all at the same time. Her anger at the way Bo rushed into danger with no forethought was pushed aside as Lauren fell into her Dr persona, fingering the scar gently, wondering what had caused the injury.

"But?" Bo prompted, as she pulled away indignantly.

"Can't we just agree to disagree?" Lauren asked. "Hold still. I need to check your wound."

"It's fine. Almost healed." Bo said so calmly- "healed" as if it was something that just happened, not something that required hours of hot sweaty sex with god knows who this time. "Don't you think the cause was worthy?" Bo asks again.

"The cause is always worthy. But what is it worth? Your life? I can't help I care about you- want you to be safe. How would you feel if I went off risking my life..."

"I would respect what you believe in, and trust you are capable, and I would stand beside you and fight with you!" Bo insisted. And that look in her eyes, so passionate and pure. No question her dedication to the cause.

"Of course you would." Lauren mumbled shaking her head. This wasn't the time. Lauren always ended up feeling like she was heartless, like she cared about nothing and no one. Like she was selfish, and blind to the plight of others. She wasn't in the mood for defending her choices.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bo narrowed her eyes in questioning.

"Nothing." Lauren dismissed, wishing she never said a word.

"Don't give me that! Tell me whats on your mind." Bo insists.

It's not an unrealistic demand, just there was no resolution to this issue. "Bo, you're Fae. I'm not. Kenzi is not." Lauren says simply.

"So? Does that distinction make such a difference to you? It doesn't to me! And if you've got something to say- say it. Don't hide behind Kenzi. It doesn't matter to Kenzi that I'm fae and she is human." It strikes Bo as immediately strange that Lauren feels the need to bring Kenzi into the argument, to speak on Kenzi's behalf. As if she and Kenzi are suddenly best friends. They didn't get on- this was largely Kenzi's fault to be honest, either way it frustrates Bo that Lauren is trying to hide behind her.

"I know you feel that way now. Not long ago you thought you were human , you didn't know your true identity. In time you will come to realise... " Lauren begins, she is trying to stay calm, to turn the argument around. But every word she utters only adds fuel to the fire.

"I am who I am, Fae or not doesn't change a thing! I won't realise anything." Bo shouts. "Maybe you are realising you just don't want this relationship, it that what you're saying?" There is anger in Bo's voice, but there is panic too. Fear.

"No, Bo, thats not what I'm saying! I'm just saying, like it or not, we are different." Lauren tries to explain, trying to find a way to get the conversation back on track, trying to make sense of the way Bo is acting. She reaches her hand out towards Bo, In a desperate attempt to reassure her that she isn't trying to break up with her. She isn't even trying to get into an argument. But Bo pulls away, stubbornly.

"Wow. I know the Fae look down on humans, I never knew humans felt so superior to Fae."She announces.

"It's not about superior. Most humans don't know Fae exist, the ones who do are owned by them, so yes they may take a dim view of fae."Lauren tries to explain, but forces herself to take a breath and stop. This conversation has gone way off the rails. Every words is digging them in deeper, she can't afford to let herself get sucked into this right now.

"I personally am not responsible for the Fae in general." Bo tells her defiantly. "I'm not going to apologise for what they have done to you..."

"I've never asked you to, Bo this isn't important right now. .." Lauren pleads desperately.

"I'm not a different person because genetically I'm related to them. Do you hold it against me, what the Fae did to you?" Bo asks. This is a genuine question it seems, not a point to win an argument.

"Of course not, thats not what I'm saying at all..." Lauren tries to pull the conversation back on track, but Bo won't let her get a word in.

"What are you saying then, Lauren?" Bo demands.

"I don't think you remember sometimes, that's all. That Kenzi and I, we are human. We're not Fae. I don't think you understand what that really means." Lauren tries to explain her point without getting into another argument.

"I was raised by humans, thought I was one." Bo reminds her.

"Exactly, but you weren't. What you think of as human has always been you- but you're special. You've never been human." Lauren tells her.

The words cut, Lauren can see it. As if it was an insult- Not to be human. When, in all honesty, they all know humans drew the short straw.

"You have a power, you can protect yourself ." Lauren tries to continue, to take the sting out, though why it should sting, Lauren cant fathom. "You have status."

"You and Kenzi are helpless?" Bo says sarcastically, still not sure just why Kenzi is a part of this conversation.

"No. Not helpless, just human. I try make up for it, with knowledge, science. Thats where my strength lies. Kenzi makes up for it with raw passion, she is resourceful, thinks on her feet, doesn't give up. That will take her a long way. But we are both human in a fae world. It's dangerous. The fae would kill either of us without a second thought, like stepping on a cockroach. When we get injured we can't...heal." Lauren finishes awkwardly, glancing towards the bedroom. "When faced with danger we have no power to rely on to get around it. The things you get involved in are dangerous for humans."

Bo scoffs."Dangerous for humans? It's not a picnic for me either. Plenty of people, human and fae alike, would kill me without a second though, consequences be damned. I didn't choose this! You were part of this world long before me. You choose to be part of the fae world, how is that my fault?" Bo demands, clearly feeling that Lauren had attacked her, that she somehow harbours anger or resentment because Bo is Fae.

This conversation is going in circles and giving Lauren a headache. She wants to walk away, but it is important to her that Bo understands she isn't blaming her for anything. "I'm not saying anything is your fault."Lauren says firmly, looking Bo right in the eye. "And yes I made my choice, with my eyes wide open. But Bo, Kenzi didn't."

That's not the answer Bo had been expecting. Not Lauren's usual kind of answer. This throws her a little.

"I never forced Kenzi to do anything!" Bo yells, This is a new level of anger. So intense and unexpected it causes Lauren to flinch. "Where is this coming from, you don't even like Kenzi." Bo continues. "You want me to be rid of her so I have more time for you? Is that it?"Bo asks this so seriously, as if she honestly believes Lauren would do that. Lauren can't help but feel hurt at the accusation, can't help the desire to defend herself.

"I know you didn't force her into anything." Lauren acknowledges slowly." But Kenzi loves you, she wants to be like you, she wants to fight with you and protect you. But she isn't like you, never will be."

"Are you sure this is about Kenzi, and not you?" Bo asks, arms folded across her chest. So much anger in her eyes, so much righteousness. No room for anything else. No room for someone else's opinion. No room for Lauren. No room for anyone.

That's it, that's all that Lauren can take.

"You really don't care, do you?" Lauren throws her hands up in defeat. Bo wants to be like this? Fine.

Bo shrugs. She stands there, looking quizzically at Lauren. Refusing to give an inch. And she just shrugs, a bemused look on her face.

There's no stopping Lauren now, and Bo looks almost pleased at this, at working Lauren into such a state.

"I don't even care anymore what you were up to last night!" Lauren concedes, her voice rising with every syllable. "Obviously something incredibly stupid and thoughtless- since you were too afraid to even tell me about it! So quite frankly I don't want to know anymore. What I want to know, what I can't get my head around, is how on earth you can stand there and act like everything is fine?"

It's a rhetorical question. Like most things to do with Bo, there was no explanation. Lauren has given up trying to keep the peace, trying to get through to Bo, trying to explain. She doesn't even try to fight the hot angry tears stinging her eyes.

Suddenly Bo's expression softens. She moves closer. It catches Lauren by surprise, the way Bo often does. "Everything is fine." She assures Lauren. Just like that the defiance is gone. "I am sorry, I didn't tell you about last night. You're right. We shouldn't have secrets. That was a mistake. And yes it got a bit hairy for a moment. But it all turned out fine, okay? Everything is fine. Don't worry so much."

It's hard for Lauren to resist. Bo does not often admit she was wrong. She doesn't often look deeply enough at the other person to see their pain, their fear. It isn't that Bo is selfish, not as such. She just believes so firmly in her point of view. Lauren does not think she's ever seen Bo back down like that, ever looked and seen the pain in Lauren's eyes, ever try to reach out and compromise and comfort her. Lauren wishes it was enough. Wishes this was just about her and Bo, they could push it all aside, fall into each others arms, spend the rest of the day making it up to each other. Maybe it's easy for Bo to act like nothing was happening. Lauren couldn't push it aside so easily. Not after everything that had happened.

"Seriously?" Lauren asks, puzzled, and clearly not happy. "Were you so busy with all your "healing activities" that something slipped your mind?" Lauren can't help but take that dig. It's not the time or the place. But she can't help it, it just comes so easily to her.

There is confusion all over Bo's face, but only for a moment. Then the anger returns. Just as suddenly as it had vanished.  
"So we're not past this? You were the one who said I needed other partners." Bo says exasperated. "Would you prefer I come to you for sutures and a blood transfusion, Because i'll do that next time if that's what you want!"

"It's not about that!" Lauren insists. "Im glad for you, that you can "heal" – its a lucky thing or you would surely be dead by now! So I'm very grateful to whoever helped you with that this time." Lauren pauses to motion to the bedroom. "But do you even care about Kenzi at all? You haven't asked me once how she is! You never even called to check up on her! She is badly hurt this time Bo, which you would know if you bothered to pay attention to your best friend, or pick up your phone when your girlfriend leaves you dozens of frantic messages!"  
It felt good to let that out, until about half way through when Lauren could see the colour drain from Bo's face. She had to reach her hand out to steady herself against the wall. And instantly she regretted using Kenzi's injuries to win a point in an argument. It was pretty low.

"What are you talking about? No, you're wrong, Kenzi is just fine. She wasn't with me last night, she wasn't anywhere near what went down. I don't know what you're talking about, tell me what you're talking about!"

It's Lauren's turn to stand in confusion now.

"You said you got my messages? I've been calling all afternoon, trying to tell you that Kenzi is badly hurt." Lauren explains, feeling instantly guilty for the ridiculous argument. She was sure Bo must know what happened. Kenzi was the one who said she was injured on a case with Bo last night, besides there were all the phone messages she left, it wouldn't have hurt her to listen to just one of them! But it is clear that Kenzi being hurt is news to Bo.

"I mean I got the messages, I didn't listen to them properly, I was going to, later, I didn't know..." Bo stammered. "What happened? Kenzi will be ok though right? Take me to her."

"She is stable for the moment, she is in good hands. Of course I'll take you, go get dressed." Lauren tells her, as Bo seemed about to rush out of the door in just her robe.

As Bo disappeared into her room to change, it occurred to Lauren there may very well be someone in Bo's bed. Part of her was curious, but part of her really did not need that image in her head. Besides, it wasn't the time for her jealousy.

By the time Bo emerged, something had clicked in her mind "You said last night, Kenzi was injured last night, and you're only telling me about It tonight?"

"I tried to call, I left you dozens of messages, so did Dyson, he had people all over town looking for you, We tried to contact you!" This isn't a lie. Eventually they had called her. But there had been a lot of time in between when Lauren had intentionally kept Bo in the dark. Lauren can't tell if the guilt is showing.

"You didn't try very hard!" Bo attacks her.

Maybe she should just give in and confess, Bo would be angry, and she would probably deserve it. But the way Bo is standing there attacking her only makes her more defensive. "I had to leave Kenzi to come here and get you, which I didn't want to do! So don't tell me I didn't try hard enough to get hold of you! I've spent my whole day trying to help YOUR best friend, and she isn't a very easy person to help when she makes up her mind that she doesn't want help. You have no idea what it was like, I thought she was going to die. And all I could think about is you- where you were, and what could be so important to keep you away, and what it would do to you to lose her. I had to do a lot of things that I didn't want to do, but I did them to save Kenzi, and I did them for You. I know you're upset and worried about Kenzi. I am too. But I am not gonna stand here and let you criticise me."

Before Bo could say a word, Lauren took the keys "I'm driving." She announced and headed out the door.

It was silent most of the way, which suited Lauren. On one hand she wanted to make peace. But on the other she wasn't ready to tell Bo the whole story just yet. So uncomfortable awkward silence was just fine by her. She was absolutely determined not to back down this time.  
It shocked her, when out of nowhere Bo said "I'm sorry. You're right. I'm not mad at you, Lauren. I'm mad at myself. I wasn't there, and I should have been. I don't even know what's going on. Kenzi wasn't here when I got home last night, I didn't even call her , I just assumed...i don't know. I haven't been much of a friend to Kenzi. I haven't been much of a girlfriend either, I know that. I'm sorry."  
"Im sorry too." Lauren doesn't have the heart to tell Bo the rest, not yet. She hadn't pictured it going this way. She pictured coming over, righteous indignation burning brightly. Asking Bo just how she could leave Kenzi all alone when she was hurt so badly, and so afraid. Asking her why she had to take Kenzi with her on the case last night? Didn't she care about Kenzi at all? Why didn't she bother to come check on her? And it served her right that Kenzi didn't want to see her!

But things had gone differently, once again Bo got under her skin. She didn't have the heart, not when she saw the pain and fear and guilt in Bo's eyes. She didn't need Lauren attacking her. And she was afraid to tell Bo that Kenzi didn't want to see her. It would hurt her. And Kenzi would probably change her mind, right? Besides, admitting that Kenzi didn't want Bo to be called would lead to the other admission- that Lauren had complied with this wish for hours, even after the point Kenzi took off from the clinic. At first it was because Kenzi asked it of her. Later things just happened so quickly there wasn't time. She was glad that she and Dyson both eventually called Bo when things got out of hand. At least it looked like they had tried. It was just an argument she didn't want to start right now.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

 ** _Bo_**

It catches her by surprise when Lauren takes her to the hospital. The normal, human hospital. She naturally assumed Lauren would have taken Kenzi to the clinic. Like all the other times Kenzi was sick or injured. They went to Lauren, and Lauren helped. That's what always happened. And hadn't Lauren just said as much? Got up on her high horse and proclaimed she spent all day saving Kenzi's life while Bo lay around doing nothing- or as Lauren, erroneously, implied- having sex.

She knows her anger at Lauren is misplaced. She is angry at herself, for not answering her phone, for the way she had pushed everyone away the last few weeks. She knows she has no right to be angry, and that anger isn't going to get her anywhere with Lauren. But when Kenzi is concerned- everything else goes out the window- so Bo makes no effort to soften her petulant tone in the least.

"What is Kenzi doing here?" It's a demand, not a question. But compared to Kenzi's life what were a few angry words worth?

"It's the best place for her." Lauren answers. Lauren won't look her in the eye, which makes Bo more defensive.

"You won't even look at me when you speak to me!" Bo triumphantly accuses her.

Lauren was absolutely hiding something.

"I'm trying to drive. It won't help Kenzi if we have an accident." Lauren answers so calmly.

And it's true, and perfectly reasonable that Lauren would want to keep her eyes on the road. But it infuriates Bo. The way Lauren is so calm, so uncaring. And the way she is driving so damn slowly!

"You should have let me drive, you're driving like an old lady." Bo snaps. She knows she is being ridiculous, and childish. Lauren is right, no point having an accident. "And you still haven't told me why you dumped Kenzi at the hospital."

"I'm trying to explain why I transferred Kenzi here, you wont let me get a word in. It's the best place for her. If you want her to get the best treatment…" Lauren begins, just a tiny hint of frustration shining through in her otherwise calm tone.

"You know I do!" Bo shouts. "What is that supposed to even mean? That I don't want Kenzi to get better? That I don't care about her?"

Bo hears it, the hysteria in her voice, the paranoia, the unfair anger at Lauren. She knows she isn't being fair. She can't stop though.

"Is it because Kenzi is just a boring human, not interesting enough for you to waste your time on?" Bo demands.

Bo isn't proud of the venom in her voice. But it's Kenzi! And here is Lauren dancing around some kind of secret. Choosing her words so carefully. Holding something back. So it's a deliberate attack on Lauren, no doubt about it. And she's expecting Lauren to fight back, even kind of wanting it! It's making her feel better, dulling her anxiety about Kenzi, dulling her guilt. This is something she can deal with.

"Hey, I'm a 'boring' human too, in case you forgot!" Lauren snaps, finally. "Do you really think I would do anything that wasn't in Kenzi's best interests? If I could have helped her, I would have. I tried to. This is the best place for her." By the time she has finished that sentence, her voice has returned to a calmer tone. Calm, but distant, cold.

This infuriates Bo all the more, she is so calm, talking about Kenzi like she is just any other patient. Like it doesn't matter in the least that she is badly hurt and Lauren can't help her.

But before she can explode, something shifts, Lauren sighs deeply, and softens her tone. "I did everything I could for Kenzi. Her injuries are severe, but they are purely physical. There are no signs of fae involvement that need my expertise. The doctors here are trained in physical trauma. I have a colleague she is the best in her field. The best thing I could do for Kenzi is refer her to a doctor who is better equipped than I am to help her."

It sounds like a lecture, like Lauren is talking to a child, she is kind but a little condescending. It makes sense. But Bo can't shake the feeling there is more going on than she is being told.

"What aren't you telling me?" Bo whispers. "I know there is something."

Lauren hesitates for a moment. "I just think we need to focus on the important things, getting Kenzi the medical care she needs."

"I need to know what's going on. It's Kenzi! I know you never liked her. She doesn't mean anything to you, but she is everything to me."

"She is everything, and what i'm nothing?" Lauren takes the bait. Gone is the calm and logical doctor.

"You know I didn't mean that!" Bo exclaims exasperated. She has no real defence though.

"You think you can sit there and insult me, accuse me of what? Mistreating Kenzi? Not caring about her? Risking her life? I spent all day by her side. Doing all i could to help her. I was there for her every second. Where were you?" Lauren pauses, as if she isn't certain she wants to continue. "And the only reason i'm not there now, helping Kenzi, is because you can't be bothered to pick up your damn phone. You want to accuse me of not caring about Kenzi- where were you? No wonder Kenzi doesn't want to see you."

The guilt builds up as Lauren's words sink in. It's true, where had she been? Why didn't she know Kenzi was in trouble? Why hadn't she answered her phone?

"What? What do you mean, Kenzi doesn't want to see me?" Bo asks.

Lauren makes no reply, only keeps her attention focused on the road. Bo can see in her face, the hesitation.

"Lauren?" She asks. It isn't an angry shout, its soft and sad and evidently its something Lauren can't turn away from.

When Lauren looks over at her, briefly, there is no trace of anger anymore. There are even tears in her eyes.

"You're scaring me." Bo pleads.

"Im sorry. It's been a long day." Lauren Explains. "I just think what's important is that Kenzi get the best medical treatment, thats what we should focus on."

"You keep saying that, but I don't know what you mean. Why did you say that Kenzi doesn't want to see me? What's going on that you haven't told me? And if you've been with Kenzi all day why did you wait until tonight to come and get me."

"Ive been calling for hours, so has Dyson." Lauren snaps defensively.

"For hours, not all day, why did you wait so long to come and get me, or call?" This feels good. It shifts the blame from Bo to Lauren. So what she didn't answer her phone this afternoon. Lauren could have come got her, sent someone to find her. They should have come to her first thing!

Lauren sighs. "I really don't know what's going on. You'll have to ask Kenzi. I told you, she came to me this morning, told me she was injured on a case last night, with you."

"That's not true." Bo says quickly.

"I know that now. But that's what she told me, I had no reason to doubt her at the time. She told me you were injured too, that you didn't need my help. She made a point of saying it more than once. I think maybe she was trying to deter me from calling you. By implying I would be interrupting you from …healing."

"Why would she do that?"

Lauren doesn't answer "At first she told me that you were busy.. healing…" She says awkwardly

"I wasn't." Bo insists.

"It's ok, if you were, i mean it's good…." Lauren stutters.

"That doesn't even matter! Kenzi wasn't with me last night, I don't know why she would say that."

"I know that now! " Lauren repeats, her frustration growing. "At the time I thought you were..busy..and I thought you knew Kenzi was hurt and came to me, so I didn't think I needed to call you."

"You thought I didn't care that she was hurt? That I was just home having sex?" Bo scoffs.

"I thought you didn't realise how badly injured Kenzi was. And I thought you were injured too and needed to heal. That's what Kenzi told me! And then things she said didn't add up, some of the injuries are from days ago, she started dodging my questions and becoming agitated. She wanted to leave and I couldn't let her, she had internal bleeding and broken bones. She needed surgery. I tried to talk to her but I couldn't calm her down. Then I said I would call you- and she freaked out. She begged me not to."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She kept saying if I cared about you that I would keep you away." Lauren explains as best she can.

"And you thought that was ok?" A sinking feeling takes over as Bo realises she isn't surprised by the fact Kenzi didn't want to see her. She hadn't been around, hadn't been paying attention. Didn't even know what kind of trouble Kenzi was in. Why hadn't Kenzi asked for help? Had she? Had Bo been too caught up in her own life to notice or care? Lauren said she was injured days ago, how could Bo not have known, why hadn't Kenzi felt she could come to her for help?

"No. But she came to me, she trusted me and asked me for help, I thought maybe we were getting somewhere, I could see she was frantic and I just wanted her to calm down. I was thinking about her. Not you. And I hoped you would understand that." Lauren challenges.

"What point did you decide to let me in on this?" Bo asks bitterly.

"Im not going to apologise for trying to help Kenzi. I did what I thought was best at the time. What difference would it have made if I had called- you wouldn't answer."

Lauren pulls up in the car park at the hospital, slamming on the brakes a little too forcefully. "You want to stay put here and argue with me all night? Do you think you could think about Kenzi for one minute and stop thinking about yourself?"

It's a low blow, and before Bo can decide if she is going to accept it or not, Lauren is out of the car. Bo has no choice but to follow.

She manages to stifle her anger. Now she is afraid. What could be so bad Lauren is afraid to tell her?

"Lauren? Please?" She pleads as she catches up. She knows she should apologise. Thank Lauren for taking care of Kenzi. For coming to get her even though Kenzi didn't want her around. She wants Lauren to hold her and tell her it will be ok, Kenzi will be fine and it will work out, and Bo will have a chance to make it up to both of them. She wants Lauren to say Kenzi isn't mad at you she's just confused. She knows Lauren is keeping something back, she knows too that she can push her buttons to make her spill it. But she is afraid. Because whatever it is it can't be good. Maybe Lauren is afraid to tell her that Kenzi is too badly hurt, she isn't going to make it.

Lauren must have seen it, the panic in Bo's eyes. She stops, reaching out for Bo's hand. "I don't know what is going on or why Kenzi is acting this way. But she is going to be fine, and we will sort it all out. You just have to be patient, give her some time to calm down. You have to stay calm, she needs you to do that ok?"

It all makes sense. It goes against every part of her nature to drop it, to just take Lauren's word that what? She doesn't need to know the rest of it? She wants so desperately to just hold onto what Lauren said- Kenzi will be fine. The rest they can work out. That's all that matters.

It crosses Bo's mind, fleetingly, that all she has to do is reach over and touch Lauren with her power, ask for the whole story, right now. It probably violates some kind of relationship rule, counts as an abuse of power, but – Lauren should be telling her the whole truth, if she isn't that's a violation too. And she can almost justify it- for Kenzi.

The only thing that stops her- is Kenzi's voice in her head, telling her _"No, you can't do that to someone you love!' Telling her, 'I don't want you to sacrifice your relationship with Lauren for what? A vague hunch she is keeping something from you ? Just chillax, just wait, you're almost here- just come and talk to me, leave Lauren out of it!"_

At the thought of Kenzi, tears well in her eyes, she blinks them back, not wanting Lauren to see them. She doesn't want sympathy, doesn't deserve it. But her heart is aching at the thought of Kenzi being in trouble. From the fact she had no idea what was going on. From the fact she can not even remember the last time she even saw Kenzi. What had they spoken about? Had Bo even asked her what was going on? If she was ok? Was she ok? Was something wrong Bo should have noticed? Why hadn't Kenzi come to her? What had she been doing, alone, that caused her to get so badly hurt? Who would have done this to her?

Now that's a better train of thought. Because no matter if Bo is the shittiest friend in the universe, and she doesn't deny that she is, she still isn't the one who did this. Someone did. Someone went out of their way to hurt Kenzi. And that person is going to pay.

With that Bo nods in agreement, squeezing Lauren's hand, as they walk hand in hand into the hospital.

They walk silently along the corridors. Bo following Lauren's lead. She wants to push everyone aside, out of her way, and run to Kenzi. But as she moves further inside the long winding corridors, an unfamiliar feeling takes over. She feels out of place, like this is not her world, she does not belong.

She falls back in step behind Lauren, the panic hitting her with a new intensity as the smells and sights of the hospital bombard her senses. As the seriousness of the situation hits her anew. Kenzi was here, badly hurt. So badly Lauren couldn't help her this time. Bo has lost touch of her fear of injury - of death. She sees, from the way the others look at her, that they think she is too reckless. That she relies on her healing abilities too much. And perhaps it's true. She isn't immortal after all. Just her healing was one part of her self she had wholeheartedly embraced- so convenient considering the amount of trouble that seemed to follow her around. She didn't have to worry about being injured, about the consequences, not in the way most people did. And somehow along the way, even though Kenzi had no such ability, she had forgotten to worry about Kenzi's safety. Kenzi never complained about the dangers of the job, of being part of Bo's world. She never seemed afraid, and Bo had never felt the need to be afraid for her. Things happened sometimes, and Lauren fixed them.

She tries to fight it, the thoughts that push their way inside. That maybe they were right, Dyson, Trick, even Lauren. Maybe this kind of life was just bad for Kenzi. Maybe the danger was too great, maybe she had been selfish in wanting Kenzi around. She adamantly denied that Kenzi was a liability. That kind of accusation she could fight off. But the counter argument, that it was for Kenzi's sake that Kenzi go somewhere else, safer, far away from Bo, from the fae. She couldn't fight that one.

But there were fae all over the place, that's the thing. It's not like Kenzi would leave and suddenly be safe or immune. She would be in arguably more danger, she wouldn't be claimed. And while the concept of claiming a human life didn't sit entirely well, it meant that Kenzi was afforded some small measure of protection, that other humans just didn't get. There were bad things everywhere, human and fae, so Bo honestly believed Kenzi was better off by her side.

She had let her guard down though, she realises with horror. She hadn't kept Kenzi close enough, hadn't been there by her side. She had lost sight of the dangers , the realities, of the life they live.

Lauren had told her, and she had no reason to doubt Lauren's opinions, that the attack was likely human, or at least possibly. There was no conclusive evidence of anything fae related. This didn't rule out fae involvement. But Lauren didn't seem to think there was much doubt. As she said, there are literally hundreds of way that any fae could have hurt her without leaving a trace if they wanted- to hurt her , or scare her, or use her to get to Bo. There were so many ways and this- well it just wasn't their style apparently.

It's not quite enough for Bo to all conclusively. Far as she is concerned she can rule nothing out.

"There is one thing I should tell you."

"What?"

"I just want you to be prepared. Kenzi isn't in a good frame of mind."

"You told me, she doesn't want to see me. I get it."

"She doesn't know what she wants Bo." Lauren answers. And it sounds almost sympathetic. "But that's not what I mean. She really didn't want to come here."

"I can imagine."

"She came to me for help, to start with. But she made things difficult."

"I bet she did."

"Bo, she was very severely injured, and she was fighting every thing I tried to do to help her. I had to physically restrain her to keep her safe."

Bo doesn't know what to say to that. She tries to picture it in her mind. And she can't say she likes the idea of Kenzi being tied down against her will. But she can imagine how un co operative Kenzi can be, and she cant blame Lauren for doing what she had to do to help Kenzi.

"And?" Bo prompts, not sure she really wants to hear it.

"And while I was examining her test results she managed to get away."

"You let her leave?"

"I didn't let her, she took off. It took hours to find her, and when we did…"

"We?"

"Dyson and I. She didn't want to be found. Dyson had to physically hold her down while I sedated her just to bring her back to the clinic."

"Ok." Bo says. She doesn't like it, and she has a lot of questions- but Kenzi is here now and she will be ok, so what's the big deal?

"I couldn't keep sedating her, I didn't even want to do it once, it only made her breathing more unstable. The extent of her injuries was much worse after she left the clinic. Physical trauma isn't my area of expertise, and Kenzi wouldn't let me help her, nothing I did got through to her. That's why I brought her here. There are good Drs, they know how to manage her injuries. And they are better equipped… I didn't know what else to do. If I just brought Kenzi here, and she told them she wanted to leave, and signed the papers, they would have just let her go. I couldn't let that happen. So I had her committed against her will, I told them she was a danger to herself and not capable of making decisions about her medical care. Which was the truth, by the way. She would have walked out of here and bled to death."

Bo doesn't know what to say to that. Of course she wouldn't want kenzi to walk out and die. But there must have been a better way. Didn't Lauren even try to talk to her and calm he down? If someone had just come to get her she could have got through to Kenzi and calmed her down. But she knows too she is partly to blame, for not being there. Not just today, but in the last few weeks. She hadn't been around. She can't criticise Lauren for doing what she needed to. But she can't deny she is so angry. At Lauren, at herself. Even at Kenzi.

Kenzi knew that Bo hated it more than anything, being kept in the dark. She knew it. So why would she do this? She tries not to let her mind go there- blaming Kenzi. She tries to think about how scared she must be, how much pain she must be in. She tries to imagine what could have happened, why Kenzi would shut her out. There is no excuse for it. None. And the way Kenzi had run from Lauren after going there for help. Lauren said she could have bled to death. How could Kenzi do that just run off. What if they hadn't found her, what if she had died, alone and afraid, and Bo was just left here in the dark, all these questions, all this guilt and confusion and pain.

Bo doesn't realise she is crying, not until Lauren pulls her into a tight embrace. She wants to pull away, she has so many questions, she is so angry, so afraid, so consumed with guilt. But just for a moment she falls into Lauren's embrace, sobbing desperately. Lauren is patient, gently stroking her hair and waiting for the sobs to subside. She doesn't say a thing. Not until Bo pulls away.

"I'm sorry." Bo whispers. "All the things I said to you."

"It's ok." Lauren tells her, and there is so much love in her voice, so much assurance, she almost believes it all really is ok.

"I should have been there, I could have calmed her down."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But you're here now. There's no point looking back. Kenzi is safe here, that's what matters."

Bo nods in agreement, trying to calm herself. Lauren was right, as usual. Kenzi was ok and the rest would work itself out.

~

It catches Bo by surprise that, when she and Lauren arrive in a small waiting room, Dyson is pacing the floor nervously, his arms folded across his chest. Even Dyson was here for Kenzi, when she was too busy. Dyson had always been kind to Kenzi, mostly to please Bo. But he still had trouble seeing a lowly human as being on the same plane as fae. So to see him here, pacing the halls, looking worried about Kenzi, that came as a surprise. It wouldn't have surprised her if he showed up later, to comfort her, to spar with Lauren, but that he is here for Kenzi, that does surprise her. She can't help but feel warmly towards him for that, though those feelings are buried under deep layers of her own guilt for not being here too.

Dyson tells them that Kenzi is having some kind of tests, that they can't see her right now. But that her condition is stable for the moment. He doesn't say anything else, not at first. Only "Glad you could finally make it." It's his tone more than the words that betray his feelings. That coupled with the cold stare makes it clear to Bo that he blames her.

"I suppose you went along with this too, decided I didn't need to know Kenzi was hurt and in trouble." Bo accuses him, her own tone just as cold.

"Actually no. I'm the one who insisted on calling you. That's what freaked Kenzi out. That's the reason she ran. That, and I took the shackles off her." He admits.

Bo doesn't know what to say to that. She can't keep up with who she is mad at. Lauren for shackling Kenzi. Dyson for letting her loose.

"None of this would have happened if you had let me know. I could have calmed her down." Bo insists angrily.

"Too bad we couldn't get hold of you then." Dyson remarks coldly.

"You didn't even try!" Bo directs at Lauren. "You say you wanted to build trust and respect Kenzi's wishes, but you have no problem tying her down against her will." Bo accuses her.

"Would you rather I just let her go to bleed to death in the gutter?" Lauren asks

"I would rather you called me!" Bo yells back at her.

It was one thing to hold back her anger when Lauren was being so kind and loving. But the two of them, ganging up on her, she can't keep herself grounded any longer.

"That would have made it worse. Lauren did the right thing." Dyson says, this time it's not so cold, it's genuine.

"I don't believe any of this." Bo shakes her head.

"Lauren did the right thing. Kenzi didn't want help, and she didn't want you. Lauren was doing a perfectly fine job and Kenzi probably would have calmed down and been fine if i hadn't come in insisting on calling you. It terrified her. I'm the one she conned into letting the shackles off, not Lauren. If you want to blame someone for that, blame me." Dyson offers.

Bo doesn't know what to say, or think, or feel. Why is it so easy to be mad at Lauren, and not Dyson? He is standing there saying he upset Kenzi, he untied her, he caused her to ran away. Taking all the blame from Lauren. None of this is making sense.

It's Kenzi she is mad at, she realises. More than Lauren , more than Dyson. Why was Kenzi pushing her away? Why would she run like that? Why would she say she doesn't want to see Bo? Lauren was only doing what kenzi asked. How could Kenzi shut her out like this?

Lauren and Dyson seem involved in a conversation that doesn't include her. They are practically falling over themselves to take the blame for each other. It's the exact opposite of what they normally do, blame each other and try to turn Bo against the other.

"It wasn't your fault." Lauren assures Dyson, returning the favour for sticking up for her. " Kenzi decided to run, she made that choice." Lauren tells him.

"Unbelievable." Bo mutters under her breath.

Dyson turns to Bo then. "Did you stop and ask yourself why Kenzi came to Lauren in the first place? Why she didn't come to you? That's not Lauren's fault, or mine. It's not even Kenzi's. Maybe you should take a look at the way you've been acting these last weeks before you decide to blame anyone else for this." He accuses. His tone isn't cold or mean, it's perfectly calm and reasonable, which makes it sting all the more.

"Dyson…" Lauren warns. But it's too late, it's said. And Bo can tell from Lauren's expression that she does not disagree with him. And that cuts her deeply. They all blame her, she realises. Dyson, Lauren, even probably Kenzi. They all think this is her fault. For a moment her own guilt threatens to consume her. But she manages to push it down.

"No." Bo says decidedly. "I don't know what is going on here, but I know that somehow you two turned Kenzi against me. Is it some kind of payback?" Bo asks. "Because I dumped you?" She motions to Dyson. "Or because I need to sleep with other people?" She aims at Lauren.

"Bo, you're being ridiculous." Lauren says.

"No, iIm not. You've always been jealous of Kenzi, the time I spend with her. You somehow turned her against me thinking i would have more time for you is that it?"

"We didn't have to turn her against you." Dyson interjects. "I'm sure you did a good job of that yourself if you treat Kenzi half as badly as you treat the rest of us. You want to blame someone? Look at yourself. You can't keep dragging Kenzi into this kind of trouble and be surprised when she gets hurt."

Bo feels outnumbered. She can't keep up with who is mad at her about what. It does surprise her, a little, that she is copping so much attitude from Lauren about Kenzi. Dyson had made his feelings clear a long time ago – Kenzi was human, Bo shouldn't drag her into all these dangerous situations. Not just for Kenzi's own sake, but because she was a hinderance to Bo. Neither Lauren nor Dyson were thrilled at the trouble Bo seemed to attract, or the situations she went into head first. Partly from concern, Bo knows.

But Lauren had never brought Kenzi into it- perhaps because she was human herself. To say that Bo should let Kenzi go, for Kenzi's own good, would be tantamount to saying she should let Lauren go too. Besides, Lauren and Kenzi never got on, Kenzi's fault mostly. So to have Lauren stick up for Kenzi's interests so vehemently is a surprise. A surprise too that Lauren and Dyson are on the same page, usually if one of them disagreed with her, the other would fall over backwards to support her to win her favor.

But right now, she is well and truly in the dog house, from both of them. Even though she wasn't there when Kenzi was hurt- doesn't even know how it happened. It might not be her fault, she thinks, hopes. Yet somehow they see fit to place the blame on her.. she feels it- the I told you so... Feels that somehow she has let Kenzi down, let all of them down.

She understands what they are saying on an intellectual level. Kenzi is in all kinds of danger from her association with Bo. But it was Kenzi's choice- she knew the risks. Bo never forced her. It's not like she wanted Kenzi to get hurt, not like she purposefully set it up, not like she left Kenzi alone on purpose in the hospital ...it makes her feel sick inside . To think something happened to Kenzi, that she was all alone, that Kenzi must think Bo didn't care, that couldn't even remember the last time she saw Kenzi, or if anything was on her mind. Yet both Lauren and Dyson had managed to drop everything and be there for her in such a way that they felt entitled to pass judgement on her.

"This isn't helping Kenzi." Lauren points out, trying to diffuse the situation.

"You just don't think about the consequences sometimes." Dyson interrupts her train of self pitying thought. His tone is gentle, as if he is trying to be reassuring. To make up for his cutting tone earlier. She supposes he is trying to make her feel better-though it has the opposite effect. It's an attack, deep to the core, and she cant help but retaliate.

"I suppose it's better to be like the two of you , sit and think and think about every little thing that can go wrong, and never DO anything!" She retorts. Somehow it makes her feel better. To be angry, to attack everyone else, and take her mind of her own … what was that feeling creeping up inside her- guilt. Plain and simple.

"What Dyson means, I think, is we don't want anything to happen to you, or Kenzi, you understand that right? You've been hurt so many times, If not for your healing ability you would be dead." There is genuine fear in Lauren's voice, but its not enough to soften Bo's attitude.

"Well, lucky for me." Bo says bitterly.

"It's not like that for Kenzi. It was only a matter of time before she was at risk." What she doesn't say, but is implied, is that it's not like that for her either.

"I would never want anything to happen to us either. I would never knowing put Kenzi in danger. Things happen, I cant control everything, I Never forced Kenzi to do anything. It's her life, her choice."

"I know you don't see it that way sweetie. And we're not saying its your fault, just that .." Lauren continued before being interrupted.

"I wasn't even there, I don't know what happened to Kenzi, I didn't do this to her!" Bo insists angrily, but there are tears forming in her eyes threatening to spill over.

"We're just saying thats why we are concerned- for both of you. There are consequences to your choices. You make enemies, powerful enemies, and they retaliate. " Dyson finishes for Lauren. She doesn't seem able to keep going with the conversation, not after the tears welling in Bo's eyes.

"You think I wanted this?" Bo challenges Dyson. "You're acting like I did it on purpose, like I intentionally hurt Kenzi, like I beat her myself with my own two hands. I would never do anything to hurt her. Kenzi is the only true person in my life, the only one who loves me for who I am, who never let me down."

Lauren's face falls as those words come from Bo's mouth. " Oh? Kenzi is the only one who cares about you?" Lauren repeats sarcastically. "I guess I don't count, nor …" For a second Bo thinks Lauren is going to say 'nor Dyson' but she hesitates "..anyone else in your life. Poor Bo, no one in the whole world understands you or cares, we're all out to get you!" Lauren spits out at her.

Bo feels like she can't breathe. The words shocked her, and she can see Lauren has been sitting on that for some time. It wasn't a spur of the moment heat of an argument outburst.

Lauren clearly has more to say, but Dyson interrupts.

"Lauren..." He says in a warning tone, that doesn't match the sympathetic glance he shoots her, which Bo translates into something like "She doesn't mean it, don't take it to heart."

It does little to settle Lauren's anger though. "Everything isn't about you Bo!" Lauren yells.

Bo stands stunned, she isn't used to the anger from Lauren. From either of them. Can't they see how worried she is about Kenzi? She is terrified. Why are they doing this? Do they really blame her for this? Does Kenzi blame her too? Is it why she didn't want Bo around? That makes Bo's blood run cold. She could stand it, barely, from Lauren and Dyson. But the thought of Kenzi blaming her, it's too much. Bo is speechless.

Dyson pulls Lauren aside at this, and whispers something to her that Bo can't make out. It drives her crazy too that she can't hear what Dyson whispers. That he even IS whispering to Lauren and shooting her secret sympathetic glances as if they are part of some club of poor tortured souls she has damaged.

Lauren turns away from them both after that, taking a deep breath and shaking her head several times, before turning back. Lauren's hands are shaking. And more and more Bo realises she doesn't understand what is going on.

It strikes Bo as odd, to see Lauren lose it in front of Dyson, she was always so careful, so paranoid, not wanting Dyson to see the slightest problem in their relationship. And Dyson always so critical of Lauren. Since when did he stand up for her? Why is Lauren so angry, thats the thing she should have asked herself, should have asked Lauren, an hour ago. But there is no time to really wonder, not when the world is against her.

"Ok, I think we are all upset and worried about Kenzi, lets not get carried away and take it out on each other," Dyson says "None is blaming anyone for anything, we all just want Kenzi to be ok."

Lauren nods, in agreement, and silent apology. She wont say it thought, wont take back what she said.

Bo can see it in her eyes, anger, and blame. Not just for Kenzi, for endangering her. But for not being here, for being caught up in her own problems and not paying attention to anyone else. She sees it in Dyson too- they blame her for this. For what (Ever) happened to Kenzi, for not being here, for everything. The two of them standing here in judgement of her. And whats worse, they aren't wrong. Not entirely. Somehow the way they stop attacking her makes her feel worse. Makes her want to attack them all the more.

"I didn't want this to happen!" Bo protested angrily. Her voice softened as the tears fell earnestly now. "I never wanted Kenzi to get hurt, or caught up in anything. I should have been there, I should have noticed she was in trouble. I know I messed up, but I never wanted this. I would give anything to trade places with her." It's sincere too, it's right from her heart. She would do anything to protect Kenzi. So what if they didn't know it, Kenzi did right?

Why hadn't Bo been around, Why hadn't she wondered where Kenzi was last night? Why had she let her own problems get so big that she stopped caring. No, that's not right, she never stopped caring. Something just happened... they just drifted apart. Kenzi wasn't a kid, she was a grown up, she could take care of herself. God, but she was just a kid in so many ways. She always tried to be so tough and fearless, but she was just a kid who had never had anyone who cared about her, until Bo. And even Bo let her down. Dyson was right, Kenzi never should have to pay the price for the mess Bo gets into.

"But you cant trade places, that's the point." Dyson says it gently, but it cuts right through her. "You can't expect her to fit into this kind of life and bounce back the way you can."

Bo can see from Lauren's face, she doesn't disagree. She might not have been able to say it, but she is glad Dyson did.

Bo knows it too, its one thing to wish she could trade places. but she cant. She cant help Kenzi safe by just wishing things were different. She has to face consequences of the choices.

"I would die to protect Kenzi." Bo says.

There are tears in Lauren's eyes now too. Bo can't make sense of that.

"I know you would." Is all she says. "But it doesn't work that way."

"If you care so much about protecting Kenzi, then why do you insist on dragging her along to every fight?" Dyson challenges

Bo doesn't bother to protest- whatever happened to Kenzi this time was nothing to do with her dragging Kenzi into a fight.

"We know you didn't want Kenzi to get hurt." Lauren tells her. "We know you love her." Lauren stops, as if she has forgotten what she was even trying to say,

"You need to stop and think that's all." Dyson adds, " Some of the situations you get into, people are angry, they want revenge, they are bound to come after you and those you love. You just need to think before diving head first into every situation that comes along, before involving Kenzi in your business. Think about what you;re getting yourself involved in, and the people around you, That's all. You can't make choices like that, invite danger in, you can't put kenzi in danger and say I wish I could trade places, You can't. And you can't just disappear off the face of the earth when things happen and not face the consequences." He says. He isn't trying to be mean, he isn't even very angry.

Part of Bo respects him, because he is sticking up for Kenzi's welfare, and that is so sweet. And he is right. Kenzi was in danger because of her. Kenzi was hurt because of her. And she had been nowhere to be seen when Kenzi needed her most. So she has no protest to make.

"You're right." Bo finally concedes. And he is.

"Okay." Dyson tells her. "Good, I'm glad we have an understanding."

And for a moment, they all smile cautiously, and breathe easy.

"You're so right. My life is so dangerous, I'm not capable of making a responsible decision. Kenzi shouldn't be part of it, She's far better of without me. I can't even manage to notice she is in trouble or be here when she needs. No wonder she didn't want to see me. You too Lauren, you're far better off without me, after all you're just human too, and even you Dyson, can't have you getting dragged into my 'business'. I just don't think about the consequences, so best if I go somewhere far away from everyone, will that make you happy? Is that what you want? You wont have to bother yourself worrying anymore, and you'll all be better off when I'm gone!" She says it as she storms away from them. Just like that, like a child having a tantrum.

Dyson rolls his eyes. "Oh please!" He mutters.

"Bo, that's not what he said!" Lauren protests, panic rising in her voice.

"Can you stop thinking about yourself for five minutes! " Dyson calls after her.

It stings, because Lauren had said the same thing in the car, stop thinking about yourself. Was she really that selfish? Then maybe they are better off without her around.

"You just finished telling me what a terrible person I am, how everyone is in danger because of me, so isn't it best if i'm just not here. What else do you want from me?" She asks him. She is fighting back tears, trying to sound angry, but she can't quite pull it off, not this time.

"You're being childish. And twisting everything we say! I Want you to grow up take responsibility, learn from your mistakes like the rest of us. Start thinking about other people. You really think that its best for Kenzi if you just disappear right when she needs you most? You really think thats best For Lauren? For me ? " He asks.

"Why not? Kenzi doesn't want me here, Lauren told me. Why would she? I've not been much of a friend lately. She probably blames me as much as the two of you do. You're the one told me to cut Kenzi loose for her own good! What good am I to Kenzi? She couldn't even come to me, she went to Lauren, who she doesn't even like!" Bo states.

If Lauren is insulted by that, she doesn't show it. After all it's not news that Lauren and Kenzi don't get on. For Kenzi to go to her for help is strange, to say the least.

Dyson answers, for a final time "I never said you were to blame! Kenzi doesn't want to see any of us, she is obviously in some kind of trouble, plus she is scared and hurt, I don't think she is thinking clearly. Neither are you. If you can get over yourself for five minutes you might realise that. If you really care about Kenzi, about any of us, then you wont walk out like this. It's not about you, not everything is, so get over it and make a decision. But don't stand there and tell us how much you care about Kenzi then walk out like a spoiled brat having a tantrum. If you care you stick by the people you love, even when its not easy. That's something we all do for you – even Kenzi. Its the least you can do in return. If you want to walk away, because it's too hard to live with the consequences of your actions, then good riddance, I'm not going to lift a finger to stop you. If you really think it's ok to just walk out, then Kenzi is way better off without you anyway." Dyson turns his back then, as if he has said all he is going to. As if it's up to Bo now, and her choice if she wants to stay or go, and he couldn't care less either way.

For a moment Bo stands there, she takes a deep breath. And then, slowly, calmly, she turns and walks away. Neither Dyson nor Lauren make a move to stop her.

~ 


End file.
